When there’s so much pain inside that you can longer contain, you tend to see things very differently. The blue sky which you used to be thankful for looks grey to you. Everything’s just colorless. For some time, I was this.
All the love I have inside me was turned into anger and hatred.
I was furious and was blinded.
I closed my eyes and all I see are memories which used to be so precious but are now meaningless. Memories which used to make me smile but are now making me frown. Memories I planned to treasure but right now, memories I’m trying to keep off my mind.
Truly, the people you have loved the most are the only ones who could hurt you the most. And so he did. Twice.
It’s as if, I have the heaviest problem in the world.
But the Lord is really great for He blessed me with people who never gave up on me when I’m about to give up. People who believed in me when I lost all confidence in me. People who opened my eyes when I’m so blinded by my anger. People who made me feel my worth when I feel worthless. People who filled my heart with love when it was overflowing with hate. I see how this people care so much for me. They were there when it happened the first time. When it happened again, they were still there. Very willing to lend a helping hand to let me stand again.
Days of contemplating and praying gave way to a new perspective.
Letting go would be a really difficult thing to do but keeping the anger and hatred reside in the heart is a lot more difficult. I searched deep down in me and I realized, I still want the best for him. I still wish him the happiness he deserved. I still would be proud of him whenever he will achieve the dreams he once shared to me. I still love him. And no matter how much I want to fight for us, no matter how much I wanted to express what I feel for him, I’m choosing not to.
I’m choosing to let go because I need to heal this open wound and not let it become a deep open wound.
Yes, the memories kept coming back but the thought that I have better memories with the people who stood by me matters most. Yes, I still think about him. Wondering how he is. There’s never a day that he never crossed my mind. But I know, this will pass. I may not know exactly when and how, but knowing that it will, makes it easier to get through it.
I’m choosing to let go because if there’s one thing I have learned from the relationship I had with him, that is to love my self more. And I just can’t do it if my heart is full of grudges.
I’m choosing to let go because I want to forgive.
I’m choosing to let go because I want to start anew, without him.
It’s never an easy task to do. It will never be. Even so, there are a lot of things you could do to help yourself. And I repeat, to help yourself. There’s no one in this world who could help you best other than yourself. The people around you will always be there for you to cheer you up and everything, but they’re only some kind of supplement for your full medication to heal from that heartache.
Loving comes with pain. There’s no way you could say you loved without experiencing pain, without being hurt. At some point, whether or not the relationship led to a happy ending, in the course of the journey, pain comes along the way. You just have to get through it.
Cry as much as you can but don’t cry forever. Focus your attention to the things that make you happy. Your favorite songs may remind you of him, probably ’cause you sang the song together when you were crazily in love with each other or it was this song that he used when he was courting you, but the song is beautiful and that’s what you simply need to appreciate. The food that is served on your table may be his favorite food, but you’re dining without him so stop whining about the memories. That food is delicious and you just have to enjoy it! It’s a matter of perspective. You’re trying to move on, so help yourself.
Look around, other people are experiencing heavier problems than you but they’re living their life. There’s that one person who works so hard to make ends meet but still can’t despite living a very frugal life, and there you are with one good job, receiving a paycheck enough to sustain your needs and wants and you’re feeling like as if you have nothing. You might want to check the definition of nothing. There are those people who are grieving because of the passing of a love one because of some tragic incident and there you are feeling like as if all your loved ones passed away and you’re left alone on your own.Stop feeling miserable and start being thankful for what you have.
Learn to appreciate the beautiful things around you. Be grateful to the people, who without second thoughts, cheers you up. The people who sees your worth. The people who believes in you. The people who love and cares for you truly and purely. They’re the only people you need in your life.
Pray. At the end of the day, it’s best to release all your emotions through a prayer. Wake up and be thankful because you’re a day closer to moving on. It’s gonna be really hard but you have to find that inner strength to help yourself. Remember, you’re not alone in your struggle.
By the time you get through it, you’ll be proud of yourself because you did it. More importantly, you were able to forgive and let go of all the grudges. By then, you have become a better person with a wider perspective, with a rational thinking and most of all with a bigger and loving heart.