July 12, 2015

(16:45)

I was browsing old messages in Skype and I came across yours. I’ve seen some video messages you sent. After all these times, I thought, I’ve successfully set these feelings aside. I thought..

Upon seeing those videos, I couldn’t help but remember the emotions I had during those times. There was so much bliss. You, saying those three little words which would immediately make my heart beat fast, which would make my eyes shine, and which would immediately paint a smile on my face. At the same time, I also couldn’t help but ask, what happened to us? We were happy, right? Weren’t we contented to having each other? Weren’t we glad that we have each other to lean on? Weren’t we true to our words when we told each other we will always have each other and beat the odds? Weren’t we?

In between those midnight talks about us, about where we came from, about what we plan to do, weren’t we happy that we could talk about anything else? The early morning messages which tells us that we were thinking of each other as soon as we blink our eyes from sleep. The random messages we receive at any time of the day, whether to make sure someone didn’t skip a meal or just the simple ‘hi’ which tells us ‘hey, I’m thinking of you’. The good night thoughts we had which tells us that we were thinking of each other before falling asleep. The kiss on the forehead and the warm embrace you always do whenever we see each other after weeks of not being together. All these, I couldn’t help but ask, what happened? Weren’t we happy? Back to those days, I never thought this is what would become of us.

I remember when we were just starting out and we told each other how we have no idea how innocent we were when it comes to relationships. Though we have had our own flings back when we were still strangers, we knew right then that ours is not like any of them. And our experiences before we decided to give US a shot was not enough to claim that we know how to handle a REALationship. Despite these, we managed to learn from each other and we were able to make it work. But same question goes up to this point, what happened to us?

From all what and how we were, to what and how we are now. No matter how I try to forget every single memory of you, I knew deep down that you’ll always be a part of who I am. But as of this time, please allow me to be on my own and mend my broken heart. Not that I don’t appreciate your way of showing that you remember me, but whenever you do, I just find myself angry and hurting. I can’t be casual yet. Believe me when I say, I also want us to be friends. After all, you’e one great person. You’ll be a one great friend. It’s just that,it won’t work this time and I don’t want to make things even more complicated if I would let my hurting and anger get in the way as I try to get over you. Let me be on my own until that day we could both answer these questions. Not one of us could give light to all these questions alone, but I know we could answer them together. Until then …

P.S July 12, 2015 (17:59)

The song goes,

I will make sure to keep my distance,

Say ‘iLoveYou’ when you’re not listening …

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